47 and 51-year-old couple refuse to house their 25-year-old niece indefinitely after "a few days" turned into "maybe forever," with no set plan: ‘My Husband’s sister said her daughter would “probably want her own place eventually”’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Aug 2, 2026 11:45 AM EDT

You ever notice how "can I stay for a few days" is basically the housing version of "can I borrow twenty bucks"? Sure, technically that's what got asked. But everyone involved already knows the "borrow" part isn't the most accurate description, and you're just watching the negotiation unfold like a haggle loving car salesperson meets and open air bazaar overseas

A few days becomes a month becomes three months becomes "eventually she'll get her own place," all before anyone's even hung up the phone. That's not a request anymore, that's a hostage situation with worse snacks. And nobody offering up their guest room actually agreed to any of that. It just accumulated, the way debt does, or in-laws do.

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  • Two adults sit at a kitchen table with mugs and phones under text reading, “Excuse me, what?! Eventually?”
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    a couple sitting tensely at a kitchen table

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  • My partner (51M), myself (47F) and our four kids live together (16, 16, 19, 20). The kids go back and forth to their other parents as we are a blended family.
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  • We live in a 5 bedroom house in an established suburban neighbourhood in a large-ish city.
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  • Last night my partner's sister called and told us she had news and a questions for us.
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  • The news was her daughter (25F) has been offered a job in our city. They currently live across the country from us.
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  • Two adults sit at a kitchen island holding phones and mugs in a modern apartment.
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  • She asked if her daughter could live with us when she comes here. We don't have any issues with family coming to stay on their vacation with us.
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  • We have a large walkout basement with a room that could be used as a bedroom with some work.
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  • We have a hang out area our kids use in the basement with a tv and couches.
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  • There is a room that could be used as a bedroom (it has a proper window) but needs a door.
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  • However, the bathroom is the one the two oldest share together so it wouldn't be solely the niece's.
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  • I know we have enough space. What also I know we don't have is tolerance for opened ended guests.
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  • Nobody can answer a basic question like a start date, or where the person's even working, or whether a boyfriend and two pets are secretly part of the package deal. That's not shyness. That's someone doing the math on how much info it takes before you start saying no, and stopping right before that line.

  • The ask started with could she stay here for a couple of days, then morphed to a month, then possibly three months as there is a probation period on the job.
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  • This all happened within the span of minutes. My partner's sister said her daughter would "probably want her own place eventually".
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  • "She'll probably want her own place eventually" isn't a plan, it's a vibe. It's the "I'll pay you back soon" of housing arrangements. You wouldn't accept that from a bank, so why accept it from a houseguest with a cat that's basically a biohazard for half your kids?

  • Excuse me what?! Eventually? Staying here for one or two weeks, sure but for an undetermined amount of time is a bit much to ask.
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  • She doesn't cook much and can be picky with food. What she does eat and can cook we don't keep in the house due to a food allergy one of our kids has.
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  • It would be okay if she had the food in the basement, but not in our kitchen.
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  • She may bring her dog and cat, two of the kids are super allergic so that is a deal breaker for us.
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  • I really don't know her well. I have met her twice and she has not talked to me either time.
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  • She came off as very aloof. Her family is very sparse and evasive with information. The date she is coming out keeps changing, where she works is a big mystery no one will divulge (even when flat out asked to share it), and so many things like if her boyfriend is coming or not or if she will drive out a car.
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  • We both aren't fans of subterfuge. There are no state secrets with this, especially if someone is asking to live with us.
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  • Our niece is an only child who was closely parented. Her mum keeps tabs on her daughter and I don't want to get involved with that.
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  • Our kids all have age appropriate freedoms. We will not police a 25 year old and grill her comings and goings.
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  • It isn't our business. We feel like she needs to adult in this situation and we are not taking on a fifth child.
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  • We don't want to upset the rest of the family or cause any friction. Saying no will absolutely cause issues but living together might cause so many more.
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  • So AITAH for not letting our niece live with us for an undisclosed amount of time?
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  • Everyone acts shocked that saying no to indefinite cohabitation with a near-stranger who won't make eye contact is somehow the impolite move here. No, the impolite  move was assuming a spare bathroom and a food allergy would just quietly work themselves out because family. Family isn't a permit. It's not a Costco membership that gets you into someone's kitchen indefinitely.


     

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relatives family drama mother aunt in laws entitled people
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